When Mother’s Day Hurts: How to Support Someone Missing Their Mum

Mother’s Day is meant to be a celebration. Shops fill with flowers, restaurants book up weeks in advance, and social media feeds become flooded with family photos and tributes.

But for millions of people across the UK, the day brings something very different: grief.

For those who have lost their mum, lost a child, struggled to become a parent, or had complicated relationships with their mothers, the day can feel like a painful reminder of what’s missing.

According to social listening data from UK greetings card marketplace thortful, one in ten people feel negatively about Mother’s Day, with around 7% reporting feelings of sadness as the day approaches.

While celebrating the mothers and mother figures in our lives remains important, experts say it’s equally vital to recognise the people quietly navigating loss.

The Many Forms of Mother’s Day Grief

Louis Weinstock, therapist, grief expert and founder of the social impact charity Apart of Me, says Mother’s Day carries different meanings for different people.

“Mother’s Day holds many different griefs,” he explains. “The child whose mother has died. The mother whose child has died. The woman who longed to become a mother and couldn’t. Those whose mothers were present in body but absent in every way that mattered.”

What links these experiences, he says, is the emotional gap between what the day promises and what many people actually feel.

“What unites them is the space between expectation and reality.”

Despite this, conversations about grief often remain awkward or avoided altogether.

“We’ve created a culture where ‘not knowing what to say’ has become an acceptable reason for saying nothing,” Weinstock adds. “But gestures matter more than perfect words.”

What Not to Say to Someone Who Is Grieving

Even well-intentioned comments can unintentionally make someone feel more alone.

According to grief specialists, certain phrases have become cultural reflexes that attempt to “fix” grief rather than acknowledge it.

Euphemisms such as “She’s in a better place” or “She’s watching over you” can impose beliefs the grieving person may not share.

Similarly, comments like “At least she’s at peace now” can minimise the depth of someone’s loss.

Toxic positivity can also be difficult to hear. Phrases like “Stay strong” or “Time heals everything” may sound encouraging, but they can dismiss the very real pain someone is experiencing.

Even comparisons such as “I know exactly how you feel” can feel isolating unless the person speaking has experienced a very similar loss.

Grief experts also warn against trying to solve someone’s pain.

“Fixing phrases like ‘You should try meditation’ or ‘You should keep busy’ can suggest grief is a problem to be solved,” Weinstock explains. “But grief isn’t something to fix.”

What Actually Helps

If there’s no perfect thing to say, what should we say instead?

Often, the most meaningful messages are the simplest.

A gentle acknowledgement — “I’m thinking of you today” or “Today might be difficult, but I’m here if you need anything” — can make someone feel seen and supported.

Some companies now offer the option to opt out of Mother’s Day emails or marketing messages, a gesture that acknowledges how difficult the day can be.

But as Weinstock points out, grief itself can’t simply be switched off.

“Some brands now let you opt out of Mother’s Day emails, which is thoughtful,” he says. “But you can’t opt out of grief.”

Matt Williams, who also works with the charity Apart of Me, adds that people cope with grief in different ways.

“For some, distraction or light company helps. Others may prefer space. The best support is often open-ended — offering presence without pressure.”

Even a quick phone call or message can mean more than people realise.

“Sometimes all someone needs is a reminder that people care,” Williams says.

Small Gestures That Make a Big Difference

Experts say thoughtful gestures can often speak louder than words.

If you knew the person’s mum, sharing a memory can be incredibly meaningful. That might be a message recalling a moment you shared, a photograph, or even a voice note telling a story.

It’s a simple way of showing that their loved one is remembered.

Weinstock also encourages people to help give difficult days some shape.

“Without structure, grief can feel overwhelming — like being in a room with no walls,” he says.

Creating small personal rituals can help. Lighting a candle, cooking a favourite meal, looking through old photographs or writing down memories can all offer a gentle way to honour someone who has died.

Research suggests that people who create their own rituals around grief often cope better with difficult anniversaries.

Showing Up Matters

Ultimately, experts say supporting someone through grief doesn’t require perfect words.

What matters most is simply showing up.

“You don’t need to fix someone’s grief,” Weinstock says. “You just need to be there — even if it feels awkward or imperfect.”

And for anyone facing Mother’s Day while grieving, he offers one final reminder.

“Grief is fundamentally a communal experience that our culture has made increasingly private. If you’re grieving this Mother’s Day, tell someone. Ask for support. You shouldn’t have to carry it quietly, on your own.”

Ravish Magazine is the UK lifestyle magazine for modern inspiration across travel, food and wellbeing.